Friday photo thought :Hope! 

Friday photo thought :Hope! 

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Single mum hating.. 

Single mum hating.. 

I’m so tired of people hating on single mom’s, like its something they choose.. We’re not out here having immaculate conceptions…

For every single mum out here there’s a father somewhere reneging on his responsibilities…

If only society could use all the energy they waste criticizing single mom’s to call out those men leaving children fatherless .

But NO.. You all are busy talking about how children raised by single mom’s are troubled, not well mannered and a bunch of other nonsense. How the boy child is falling behind because they are being raised by a single mum,, what do you want her to do?The person supposed to be teaching her son to be a man decided it was an optional job.. She’s doing the best she can, teaching him what she knows…

Don’t get me started on the ‘she couldn’t keep her man crap’  what is he, a pet ?! He is a living breathing grown up who made a decision not to be a part of his child’s life.Granted relationships don’t always work but being in your child’s life is something entirely different. This applies to mom’s too,if the father of your child is a good father then don’t keep him away from them just because the two of you didn’t work.

Fact-:parenting is hard even when there are two fully present parents, children from such families go astray too.. Lets stop blaming single mom’s for every wayward child in society.

Fact:- the boy child is falling behind because some men are not taking an active part in parenting, no one is teaching the boys  how to grow into responsible successful men.

Fact:- judging single mom’s isn’t helping the mother or their child with anything. It doesn’t pay bills or give them the support they so desperately need. All it does is cause undue stress to people trying to make the best out of the cards they’ve been dealt.

Fact:- There are brilliant, well mannered , intelligent children raised by single mom’s who go on to become successful up right members of society.

Broken…

Broken…

broken

I stumbled on it in my phone gallery,a picture,,,his picture,staring back at me,that face of the person I thought I knew like the back of my hand.

I’ve been doing okay all things considered,work is great-busy which demands a lot from me,not leaving much time for wallowing.Of course I knew the pictures we’re there,most of our life is documented in pictures,memories meant to be cherished forever.

Only now they’re like a knife that someone keeps stabbing me with,adding salt to injury.  I’ve thought of deleting them,just getting rid of them but I know I would regret that and there’s no undo button to fall back on.It’s sad really that I can’t bear to part with them because that would make everything real…it’s real though,,my mind knows that,my heart is just having a hard time playing catch up.

How awesome would it be if there was a pill someone could take and all the pain would just go away,,wishful thinking I know, a girl can dream right…They say there are five stages while grieving,I thought there was a particular sequence to these stages like you would start off at denial and end with acceptance.

I realize now it’s not that black and white as I keep alternating from one to the other. I got over the denial and bargaining stages pretty fast, they we’re taken over by anger,lots and lots of it.I wouldn’t say I experienced the depression stage,I mean for a while I did feel like crawling into bed and just crying until no tears were left..block out the rest of the world and just give up..

But I didn’t,,I cried myself to sleep for almost two months,,but I’m getting up everyday,getting my daughter to school,showing up at the job and trying to maintain a normal routine even if its just the two of us now…I’m thinking of this as the acceptance stage…things are not perfect but they are good.

There will be days like today though,when I see a picture,hear a song or remember something that will bring me to my knees,because there is no quick fix to healing a broken heart..and I’m starting to accept that it’s okay,It just has to hurt until it doesn’t anymore..

 

 

 

 

 

Our first two digit birthday…. 

Our first two digit birthday…. 

My daughter’s birthday is usually an emotional time for me, it comes with soo many memories from when she was born to where we are now.. 

It sometimes seems surreal how fast time flies. Just the other day we we’re celebrating milestones like her first word, her first day at school. 

Our conversations were based on her numerous why and how questions. Now they’re full of well thought out opinions and arguements. 

I always write  a post on her birthday but she does not get to read my posts, so she’ll never be privy to my thoughts. 

Then I got to thinking the posts could be an awesome present for her one day.I  could compile them and give them to her when she turns eighteen.

Growing up I dnt really have an open relationship with my mum, where we could talk about stuff . 

That’s one of the things I work hard to cultivate with my daughter. That she will always be able to talk me,even when we get to the teenage drama. 

Its humbling to see your child practising what you have taught her, to know that you are doing something right especially in today’s world where our kids are exposed to so much. 

Her birthday is not only about her growth but about mine as well. There is no manual for parents, most of us are just trying our best and learning as we go. 

So here’s to my princess as she turns ten and to me as i grow into a better and hopefully wiser mother. 

Happily ever after doesn’t mean perfect! 

Happily ever after doesn’t mean perfect! 

Im generally not a very trusting person , my motto for a long time was ‘trust no one till they give you a reason to’ 

That does not work well in relationships though as you have to open yourself up to let the other person in.Vulnerability is often a high price to pay especially if you have been burnt before. 

The reward though when you experience an amazing connection and fall in love is well worth it. Its a world  full of rainbows and butterflies one can only understand it through experience. 
The true test comes when life keeps throwing surprises at you. Sometimes they’re good which just goes to increase the love, but sometimes they’re bad. 
This is when your proclamations of love really count. When you’re character is put to test, how do you react when you’re struggling to pay bills? when you have to cut down on some luxuries?

Do you still experience the rainbows and butterflies when times are hard? That’s when ‘I will love you always, no matter what’ counts. 

What do you do when ‘no matter what’ comes sooner rather than later?Do you cut your losses and run for the hills? Even fairytales had their fair share of life surprises, evil witches and all that. 

Happily ever after isnt a perfect life without  problems, its about fighting  to keep the rainbows and butterflies even through the worst of storms. 

…………my two cents ………