Our first two digit birthday…. 

Our first two digit birthday…. 

My daughter’s birthday is usually an emotional time for me, it comes with soo many memories from when she was born to where we are now.. 

It sometimes seems surreal how fast time flies. Just the other day we we’re celebrating milestones like her first word, her first day at school. 

Our conversations were based on her numerous why and how questions. Now they’re full of well thought out opinions and arguements. 

I always write  a post on her birthday but she does not get to read my posts, so she’ll never be privy to my thoughts. 

Then I got to thinking the posts could be an awesome present for her one day.I  could compile them and give them to her when she turns eighteen.

Growing up I dnt really have an open relationship with my mum, where we could talk about stuff . 

That’s one of the things I work hard to cultivate with my daughter. That she will always be able to talk me,even when we get to the teenage drama. 

Its humbling to see your child practising what you have taught her, to know that you are doing something right especially in today’s world where our kids are exposed to so much. 

Her birthday is not only about her growth but about mine as well. There is no manual for parents, most of us are just trying our best and learning as we go. 

So here’s to my princess as she turns ten and to me as i grow into a better and hopefully wiser mother. 

Happily ever after doesn’t mean perfect! 

Happily ever after doesn’t mean perfect! 

Im generally not a very trusting person , my motto for a long time was ‘trust no one till they give you a reason to’ 

That does not work well in relationships though as you have to open yourself up to let the other person in.Vulnerability is often a high price to pay especially if you have been burnt before. 

The reward though when you experience an amazing connection and fall in love is well worth it. Its a world  full of rainbows and butterflies one can only understand it through experience. 
The true test comes when life keeps throwing surprises at you. Sometimes they’re good which just goes to increase the love, but sometimes they’re bad. 
This is when your proclamations of love really count. When you’re character is put to test, how do you react when you’re struggling to pay bills? when you have to cut down on some luxuries?

Do you still experience the rainbows and butterflies when times are hard? That’s when ‘I will love you always, no matter what’ counts. 

What do you do when ‘no matter what’ comes sooner rather than later?Do you cut your losses and run for the hills? Even fairytales had their fair share of life surprises, evil witches and all that. 

Happily ever after isnt a perfect life without  problems, its about fighting  to keep the rainbows and butterflies even through the worst of storms. 

…………my two cents ……… 

Gone…..

Gone…..

My head is still spinning from that conversation,I have been waking up thinking it was just my imagination running wild as usual …

Its been two weeks since you looked me in the eye and said we we’re no more…

That you did not see a future for us…I remember sitting there naively waiting to hear you out,

Happy that you finally wanted to talk,the thought of you ending things had never crossed my mind..

Sure we had some problems but which couple doesn’t?The recent financial pressure hadn’t been helping much..still I thought we were going to be fine.

We were in this for keeps,through good times and bad…

You’ve moved to a new city though and I moved to a new house,this is real..

I wake up everyday and go through the paces,my friends say I’m strong

I don’t see it though,my heart is crashed into tiny little pieces,

I don’t understand what happened,WHY it happened..

You seem like a stranger to me now and not the person who promised me forever,

All our dreams and plans for the future,gone ..

Your presence,your scent,gone…

I am left with memories that on most days I don’t know what to do with…

Was it real or make belief?

When did you decide we couldn’t work?

When did you decide you could live without me?

When will i get rid of this empty feeling you’ve left inside me?

Smiling over the issues… 

Smiling over the issues… 

I used to pity the couples we see in traffic, each person lost in their own thoughts, the only reason theyre in the same car is to follow some routine to drop the kids to school or for convenience to get a ride to work . .. 

There was a time they loved being in eachother ‘s company when there wasnt enough time for all the things they wanted to say…. Now theyre doesn’t seem to be enough words to pass all the time they have to spend together…. . 

I vowed id never put myself  in such a situation, I would rather be single talking to myself than in a relationship where we dnt say anything to eachother….pass the salt and pick the baby dnt count as conversation….

Its easier to judge and comment when your on the outside looking in though. Relationships take a lot of work. You have to show up everyday, remember what you love about eachother even when your not feeling it at that moment.. 

Its a slippery slope between love and hate, it starts with the small things, like not checking in on eachother during the day or talking about your day when you get home. Sayin sorry when your wrong or have hurt their feelings becomes too high a price for your pride to pay. You stop considering your partner when making plans and pretty soon your like roomates… 

Smiling over the issues in public barely noticing eachother in private.Staying together for the kids, or because you can’t afford to live on your own. .Settling because you dnt put in the work to keep your relationship real… 

Why do you hate my mum.. 

Why do you hate my mum.. 

You courted her, proposed and finally before God and man vowed to be her provider and protecter, to respect, support and love her till death do you part. 

Over the years you have broken all of these vows, you have rewarded the woman who stuck by you through good and bad times with nothing but pain and heart ache. 

You say you love us, that we are your blood. Do you think we fell from the sky?  Have you forgotten the person who bore  you three children.. There is no us without her… 

Granted relationships are hard and they dnt always work. Common decency dictates tho that you respect one another, have some decorum and keep your dirty laundry to yourself. 

You say she’s brainwashed us and that she wants to turn us against you. But you did that all on your own when you not only left home but also checked out of our lives. The pop in and out dsnt count, we’re not a drive through. .. 

You dnt get our unconditional loyalty to her, well let me simplify it for you. You left, she stayed!She has always been there for us, even when we dnt have anything  to eat or money for bills. Never did she say one bad thing about you. 

Then you want to act some type of way because we know the struggles she’s had to go through to raise us and wunt let you continue to disrespect and hurt her. .. 

Why do you hate the woman who has kept your home since you walked  out 20 years ago. .. 

Why do you hate the woman who carried  your three beautiful children.. 

Why do you hate the woman who insisted we have to respect you because no matter what you are our father…. 

Settling for less..when did it become okay?

Settling for less..when did it become okay?

Is it a casualty of the 21st century?Are we so busy now working 16 hour shifts,trying to keep up with the Morgan’s,splashing our ‘perfect’ lives on social media ,envying each other,judging each other ..that it has become okay to settle for whatever comes your way just to fit into some stereotype of what a successful, happy,person is supposed to be.

We have redefined success to be something that is measured by how much material wealth someone has, never mind the fact that for most its bought on credit and might very well be the reason your children do not go to college.

Relationships are now casual hookups to be walked in and out of whenever they stop fulfilling the short term goals they we’re set up for.Marriage is no longer a lifetime commitment,people are making vows they know full well they do not intend to keep.

The reasons for getting married have also done a complete turn around,if your a woman in her thirties then there is all this pressure to get married and have children because apparently some clock is ticking.So what if you haven’t met the right person yet?Do you just marry the first man who comes your way because the clock is ticking?

A young man with a good job,a car and a house is reminded constantly that he now has to find a wife and start a family.But do these pressure givers take the time to prepare him for marriage and  the responsibilities it comes with.We are so busy judging what people are doing and deciding how they should be doing it different,we forget the decisions we are forcing them to make will affect their lives forever.

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Is it really worth it,to look like you have the good life when in actual sense you are knee deep in debt?

Is it that important to be in a relationship that society approves of ,that we’re okay being in loveless marriages,some filled with all kinds of abuse.

What kind of blue print are we living for our children if we bring them up in a commercialized world,where everything is at face value and very few people love or at the very  least genuinely care for each other..

Nothing in this world is perfect,but that’s no excuse to settle for whatever the wind blows your way,especially if its going to define you for the rest of your life.

……………………………………….my two cents…………………………………..