Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try am falling short,whether its at being a mum,a wife,a daughter,a sister or even at work.But falling short based on whose standards,mine?And if so should I then cut myself some slack or maintain them so that I’m always working towards being a better me.
If its not by my standards then should I break my back trying to live up to other peoples expectations?When we were kids I thought my mum was super woman,now that I’m older though I realize she was doing so much and dealing with her own issues as working mother and wife.
There are these roles that are expected of both men and women either by society or just as a status quo we have come to except them.How realistic are they though?For instance,men are supposed to be the providers in their family.
In today’s world two income homes are becoming more common,how then does this affect the role of the man, if at all?I remember my dad making Sunday breakfast sometimes but that was a rare occurrence,talking from my own experience,I don’t know how I would survive if my husband didn’t help out with dinner or dishes every so often.
Does this make me any less of a wife or mother or him less of a man?I don’t think so!I love that my daughter will have numerous memories of making breakfast with her dad,doing school projects or sorting the laundry,so that mummy does not have to be up all night doing chores.
So to hell with people’s standards and expectations,I’ll go with what works for me and my family.I’ll give myself a hard time every once in a while because I’m my own worst critic but I can handle me…
…… ……………………..my two cents……………………………………..
Some questions seem easy enough until your asked and you find yourself at a loss for words.One of these hard to answer but profoundly important questions is who is a father?
Is it the man who provides the XY chromosomes for you to be made?
Is it the man who raises you and is there for every milestone of your life?
Is it the man you look up to,want to be like,who provides a blueprint for the kind of man you want to be when you grow up?
Is it the man you envision your husband and father of your children will be like?
This is a personal issue for me and in spite of my daddy issues,i somehow managed to find love and a father for my children who is everything I ever wanted and more.That said,even now as an adult and a mother,some of the ghosts from my past still come calling and it got me thinking…..
Just how seriously do we take the role of a father in a child’s life? and not only during their childhood but until they grow into the man or woman they are meant to be.What happens when they can’t rise above the feeling of rejection your not being in their life creates.
Worse still, how are they supposed to process your seasonal appearance in their life?Do you expect them to adjust their feelings to your comings and goings?Do you think of the son and or daughter who grows up asking themselves questions about why you left?
I realize relationships are difficult and for some couples separation is inevitable,but what does that have to do with raising your children?And ladies unless he poses some form of threat to you or your children,shouldn’t we let our children have a father.
I don’t know if there are answers to my questions or if this is just a useless rant.I just think that we should take the roles we get as parents seriously and realize that our actions or lack there off will one day impact a whole generation.
Children don’t get a say in who their parents will be,its up to you the adult who brought them into this world to step up.You have to make sure you do the best job you can possibly do,regardless of whatever personal issues you’re going through.
Other wise don’t expect to get any credit when they turn into exceptional members of the society but believe me their failures and poor life choices will somehow be attributed to your absence.
Conversations with my daughter usually involve very many questions of the why, how, how come nature ?! Plus numerous stories of her adventures in school, I practically know her whole class by name, both names even 🙂
U get the drift, we talk a lot, we enjoy each others company, she’s my little best friend 🙂
So what’s my point?? Life keeps getting in the way of our hanging out. I’m at work all day while she’s at school. When we get home, its shower, homework, dinner, sleep and the cycle begins again.
Okay, our life is not that dreary we do get off days and maybe an hour or two during the week. That’s when i get to hear all about the naughty boy, the bully, the best friend forever, the cute boy(this one threw me but i acted cool)the business she’s going to start,the shoes she wants me to buy for her,the new cool show we must watch on Nickelodeon..etc etc..
Most times I’m usually doing something else while we’re talking, either I’m driving, cooking, ironing or something. As much as I pride myself on my multitasking skills I don’t always follow. Were we talking about the bully or the BFF…
My baby being the genius that she is has caught on to this and sometimes makes me repeat what she just said. Lets just say she’s not very happy when I can’t .
So yesterday she says to me,
mum stop multitasking me,
in the saddest voice you ever heard. That got my attention!
I don’t want to miss out on this quality time that will become a distant memory as she grows older.In fact I’m hoping that we will have built such a great foundation even the teenage monster stage wont stand a chance!
So I’m resolving to give her at least an hour of my undivided attention everyday and definitely more on the weekend. No phone,no TV, no chores, no talking with anyone else. Just us girls catching up 🙂
I just finished reading this amazing book, called where the road goes by Joanne Greenberg. Its written in such a unique style as the chapters were a compilation of diary entries and letters. I was in reader heaven 🙂
Its about a grandmother who leaves her family for a year to join a walk across America. The book is therefore her record of events as she takes the walk – the diary entries and the letters are the correspondence between her and her family.
Okay so I’m not doing a book review, I just wanted to share what struck me the most in the book. Tig – the grandmother was also exchanging letters with her grandchildren and one of them had just gotten a boy friend.
We all remember what that’s like, puppy love, all rainbows and butterflies…. Well this relationship was a bit more complex. The boy had a troubled childhood, was abandoned by both he’s parents at an early age, he felt the world was against him and had developed a substance abuse problem.
I had always assumed that young girls fell for the wrong type of guy because they did not know any better, maybe they did not have a good father as a role model or anyone who cared enough to explain to them what real love was.
Looking back at my relationships before I met Mr. Right I can definitely see my daddy issues playing a part in the people I dated. So I haven’t completely discarded my theory but the story in this book made me realise that even with the best up bringing and support system, girls can still fall prey to the wrong type of guy.
As a parent to a beautiful smart little girl this was a bit scary. Especially in this digital era we’re raising our kids in, they are exposed to so much at an early age.
What to do? First , I’ve decided I’m doubling up on the prayers I say for my baby and for God to give me wisdom and guidance on the way I raise her.
Then I’m just going to continue doing my best in teaching her to love and respect herself as I make sure the bond we have, where she tells me everything grows stronger and stronger so she’ll always be able to talk to me.
Being a parent is a pretty power less job, u just do your best and pray to God your children turn out okay.
It was a forbidden topic, the elephant in the room that had some how moved in. So we we’re constantly walking on eggs shells trying to avoid the subject.
Mostly so we wouldn’t cause her more pain but also because we feared what the answer would be.
We’re we so bad to be around that you could not be around us any more?why we’re we never enough for you? You always seemed to be looking for the next big thing, didn’t you already have it?
You we’re supposed to be our blue print for men, teach us girls how a good man should act and treat us. Teach your son how to become that good man.
That was never to be, instead you we’re like a distant Uncle who visited sometimes and brought gifts. An all round Santa.
And now that we’ve grown up, we don’t really know you, nor you us. I realise now its your loss because you opted out of our lives. We we’re never the problem and we’re more than enough for you to be content and happy.
I wish with all my heart that you found what you we’re always looking for, how sad would it be if you didnt and learn too late that it had always been right under your nose.
Spent the day with my grandparents,we chatted as i did grandma’s hair and nails and joked around with grandpa. They are attending a friends wedding anniversary party on Saturday and he wants his gal to look her best.
I love watching how they co-exist,with genuine mutual respect and concern for each other and undeniable true love.
When you’ve been together as long as they have, you seem to understand each other on another level that as mere mortals cannot even begin to get.
I’m sure before this beautiful horizon, came count less mistakes and lessons but all that matters is that they got them where they are today.
We dnt really celebrate thanks giving this part of the world but this time of year always brings with it a feeling of reflection.
So am thankful for my family and the moments we share together that sometimes go unnoticed but are such important pages in our lives…..