Single mum hating.. 

Single mum hating.. 

I’m so tired of people hating on single mom’s, like its something they choose.. We’re not out here having immaculate conceptions…

For every single mum out here there’s a father somewhere reneging on his responsibilities…

If only society could use all the energy they waste criticizing single mom’s to call out those men leaving children fatherless .

But NO.. You all are busy talking about how children raised by single mom’s are troubled, not well mannered and a bunch of other nonsense. How the boy child is falling behind because they are being raised by a single mum,, what do you want her to do?The person supposed to be teaching her son to be a man decided it was an optional job.. She’s doing the best she can, teaching him what she knows…

Don’t get me started on the ‘she couldn’t keep her man crap’  what is he, a pet ?! He is a living breathing grown up who made a decision not to be a part of his child’s life.Granted relationships don’t always work but being in your child’s life is something entirely different. This applies to mom’s too,if the father of your child is a good father then don’t keep him away from them just because the two of you didn’t work.

Fact-:parenting is hard even when there are two fully present parents, children from such families go astray too.. Lets stop blaming single mom’s for every wayward child in society.

Fact:- the boy child is falling behind because some men are not taking an active part in parenting, no one is teaching the boys  how to grow into responsible successful men.

Fact:- judging single mom’s isn’t helping the mother or their child with anything. It doesn’t pay bills or give them the support they so desperately need. All it does is cause undue stress to people trying to make the best out of the cards they’ve been dealt.

Fact:- There are brilliant, well mannered , intelligent children raised by single mom’s who go on to become successful up right members of society.

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Our first two digit birthday…. 

Our first two digit birthday…. 

My daughter’s birthday is usually an emotional time for me, it comes with soo many memories from when she was born to where we are now.. 

It sometimes seems surreal how fast time flies. Just the other day we we’re celebrating milestones like her first word, her first day at school. 

Our conversations were based on her numerous why and how questions. Now they’re full of well thought out opinions and arguements. 

I always write  a post on her birthday but she does not get to read my posts, so she’ll never be privy to my thoughts. 

Then I got to thinking the posts could be an awesome present for her one day.I  could compile them and give them to her when she turns eighteen.

Growing up I dnt really have an open relationship with my mum, where we could talk about stuff . 

That’s one of the things I work hard to cultivate with my daughter. That she will always be able to talk me,even when we get to the teenage drama. 

Its humbling to see your child practising what you have taught her, to know that you are doing something right especially in today’s world where our kids are exposed to so much. 

Her birthday is not only about her growth but about mine as well. There is no manual for parents, most of us are just trying our best and learning as we go. 

So here’s to my princess as she turns ten and to me as i grow into a better and hopefully wiser mother. 

Sit still look pretty… 

Sit still look pretty… 

The year is 2016, we live a global  village, information is at our fingers tips, people have been to the moon and back, technology is the norm to an extent where the possibilities of innovation are end less.. . Yet my being an intelligent, confident, self aware, assertive beautiful woman is for some people still unfathomable. 


Apparently its a mystery  how a girl  can do well  in school, in some instances  even better than the boys in her class. 

How the same girl grows into a smart woman who  excells at work relying only on her brains and not her long legs or pretty face. 

Im still shocked that half of America,  would rather vote in a candidate who unapologetically showed his ugly true  colours over a capable woman. Granted she had made some mistakes in the past, but dnt we all? ! 

My daughter excells at everything she does, like so many little girls her age. Girls are taking centre stage both in academics and extra curriculum activities… And i intend to continue encouraging and supporting her to do even better. 

I refuse to dumb myself down to stroke anyones ego. I refuse to tell my little girl she cnt do something she’s interested in because its supposed to be a preserve for boys.. 

Don’t get me wrong,  was i raising a boy, I would teach him the same values and expose him to the same opportunities. Most of all teach him to respect others abilities and not to judge them based on their gender , race,  religion,political affiliation or other demographic features. 

I am capable of too much to just sit and look pretty!Our daughters’, our sisters, our mothers are capable of too  much to just sit and look pretty. 

……….. ….. my two cents. .. … … 

Tough Questions….

Tough Questions….

Some questions seem easy enough until your asked and you find yourself at a loss for words.One of these hard to answer but profoundly important questions is who is a father?

Is it the  man who provides the XY chromosomes for you to be made?

Is it the man who raises you and is there for every milestone of your life?

Is it the man you look up to,want to be like,who provides a blueprint for the kind of man you want to be when you grow up?

Is it the man you envision your husband and father of your children will be like?

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This is  a personal issue for me and  in spite of my daddy issues,i somehow managed to find love and a father for my children who is everything I ever wanted and more.That said,even now as an adult and a mother,some of the ghosts from my past still come calling and it got me thinking…..

Just how seriously do we take the role of a father in a child’s life? and not only during their childhood but until they grow into the man or woman they are meant to be.What happens when they can’t rise above the feeling of rejection your not being in their life creates.

Worse still, how are they supposed to process your seasonal appearance in their life?Do you  expect them to adjust their feelings to your comings and goings?Do you think of the son and or daughter who grows up asking themselves questions about why you left?

I realize relationships are difficult and for some couples separation is inevitable,but what does that have to do  with raising your children?And ladies unless he poses some form of threat to you or your children,shouldn’t we let our children have a father.

I don’t know if there are answers to my questions or if this is just a useless rant.I just think that we should take the roles we get as parents seriously and realize that our actions or lack there off  will one day impact a whole generation.

Children don’t get a say in who their parents will be,its up to you the adult who brought them into this world to step up.You have to make sure you do the best job you can possibly do,regardless of whatever personal issues you’re going through.

Other wise don’t expect to get any credit when they turn into exceptional members of the society but believe me their failures and poor life choices will somehow be attributed to your absence.

 

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Human nature …

Human nature …

I was complaining to a friend recently how negative the world has gotten. We have totally lowered the bench mark for what is acceptable and what is not.

Granted we are human beings, we’re not perfect and we definitely make mistakes.

When did that become an excuse though for all the crazy things happening around us.
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I have stopped watching the news and reading the paper unless its absolutely necessary.

When all the channels are running stories like how a step mother plotted to kill her step children or a mother killed her children then committed suicide…

When couples are resolving their issues through violence that most times ends in death of one or both of them.

When teenagers are planning parties dubbed ‘project X’ where the aim is to come dressed in barely nothing and indulge in all manner of drugs …

I know that’s what gets the media their ratings ,but whats happening to us? have we lost our humanity?

Its scary to imagine what kind of world our children are going to grow up in?I may be guilty of burying my head in the sand but I choose not feel my mind with all that negativity. What good can come of it?!

…….. My two cents…

Stop multitasking me..

Stop multitasking me..

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Conversations with my daughter usually involve very many questions of the why, how, how come nature ?! Plus numerous stories of her adventures in school, I practically know her whole class by name, both names even 🙂

U get the drift, we talk a lot, we enjoy each others company, she’s my little best friend 🙂

So what’s my point?? Life keeps getting in the way of our hanging out. I’m at work all day while she’s at school. When we get home, its shower, homework, dinner, sleep and the cycle begins again.

Okay, our life is not that dreary we do get off days and maybe an hour or two during the week. That’s when i get to hear all about the naughty boy, the bully, the best friend forever, the cute boy(this one threw me but i acted cool)the business she’s going to start,the shoes she wants me to buy for her,the new cool show we must watch on Nickelodeon..etc etc..

Most times I’m usually doing something else while we’re talking, either I’m driving, cooking, ironing or something. As much as I pride myself on my multitasking skills I don’t always follow. Were we talking about the bully or the BFF…

My baby being the genius that she is has caught on to this and sometimes makes me repeat what she just said. Lets just say she’s not very happy when I can’t .

So yesterday she says to me,

mum stop multitasking me,

in the saddest voice you ever heard. That got my attention!

I don’t want to miss out on this quality time that will become a distant memory as she grows older.In fact I’m hoping that we will have built such a great foundation even the teenage monster stage wont stand a chance!

So I’m resolving to give her at least an hour of my undivided attention everyday and definitely more on the weekend. No phone,no TV, no chores, no talking with anyone else. Just us girls catching up 🙂