Our first two digit birthday…. 

Our first two digit birthday…. 

My daughter’s birthday is usually an emotional time for me, it comes with soo many memories from when she was born to where we are now.. 

It sometimes seems surreal how fast time flies. Just the other day we we’re celebrating milestones like her first word, her first day at school. 

Our conversations were based on her numerous why and how questions. Now they’re full of well thought out opinions and arguements. 

I always write  a post on her birthday but she does not get to read my posts, so she’ll never be privy to my thoughts. 

Then I got to thinking the posts could be an awesome present for her one day.I  could compile them and give them to her when she turns eighteen.

Growing up I dnt really have an open relationship with my mum, where we could talk about stuff . 

That’s one of the things I work hard to cultivate with my daughter. That she will always be able to talk me,even when we get to the teenage drama. 

Its humbling to see your child practising what you have taught her, to know that you are doing something right especially in today’s world where our kids are exposed to so much. 

Her birthday is not only about her growth but about mine as well. There is no manual for parents, most of us are just trying our best and learning as we go. 

So here’s to my princess as she turns ten and to me as i grow into a better and hopefully wiser mother. 

Smiling over the issues… 

Smiling over the issues… 

I used to pity the couples we see in traffic, each person lost in their own thoughts, the only reason theyre in the same car is to follow some routine to drop the kids to school or for convenience to get a ride to work . .. 

There was a time they loved being in eachother ‘s company when there wasnt enough time for all the things they wanted to say…. Now theyre doesn’t seem to be enough words to pass all the time they have to spend together…. . 

I vowed id never put myself  in such a situation, I would rather be single talking to myself than in a relationship where we dnt say anything to eachother….pass the salt and pick the baby dnt count as conversation….

Its easier to judge and comment when your on the outside looking in though. Relationships take a lot of work. You have to show up everyday, remember what you love about eachother even when your not feeling it at that moment.. 

Its a slippery slope between love and hate, it starts with the small things, like not checking in on eachother during the day or talking about your day when you get home. Sayin sorry when your wrong or have hurt their feelings becomes too high a price for your pride to pay. You stop considering your partner when making plans and pretty soon your like roomates… 

Smiling over the issues in public barely noticing eachother in private.Staying together for the kids, or because you can’t afford to live on your own. .Settling because you dnt put in the work to keep your relationship real… 

Why do you hate my mum.. 

Why do you hate my mum.. 

You courted her, proposed and finally before God and man vowed to be her provider and protecter, to respect, support and love her till death do you part. 

Over the years you have broken all of these vows, you have rewarded the woman who stuck by you through good and bad times with nothing but pain and heart ache. 

You say you love us, that we are your blood. Do you think we fell from the sky?  Have you forgotten the person who bore  you three children.. There is no us without her… 

Granted relationships are hard and they dnt always work. Common decency dictates tho that you respect one another, have some decorum and keep your dirty laundry to yourself. 

You say she’s brainwashed us and that she wants to turn us against you. But you did that all on your own when you not only left home but also checked out of our lives. The pop in and out dsnt count, we’re not a drive through. .. 

You dnt get our unconditional loyalty to her, well let me simplify it for you. You left, she stayed!She has always been there for us, even when we dnt have anything  to eat or money for bills. Never did she say one bad thing about you. 

Then you want to act some type of way because we know the struggles she’s had to go through to raise us and wunt let you continue to disrespect and hurt her. .. 

Why do you hate the woman who has kept your home since you walked  out 20 years ago. .. 

Why do you hate the woman who carried  your three beautiful children.. 

Why do you hate the woman who insisted we have to respect you because no matter what you are our father…. 

Settling for less..when did it become okay?

Settling for less..when did it become okay?

Is it a casualty of the 21st century?Are we so busy now working 16 hour shifts,trying to keep up with the Morgan’s,splashing our ‘perfect’ lives on social media ,envying each other,judging each other ..that it has become okay to settle for whatever comes your way just to fit into some stereotype of what a successful, happy,person is supposed to be.

We have redefined success to be something that is measured by how much material wealth someone has, never mind the fact that for most its bought on credit and might very well be the reason your children do not go to college.

Relationships are now casual hookups to be walked in and out of whenever they stop fulfilling the short term goals they we’re set up for.Marriage is no longer a lifetime commitment,people are making vows they know full well they do not intend to keep.

The reasons for getting married have also done a complete turn around,if your a woman in her thirties then there is all this pressure to get married and have children because apparently some clock is ticking.So what if you haven’t met the right person yet?Do you just marry the first man who comes your way because the clock is ticking?

A young man with a good job,a car and a house is reminded constantly that he now has to find a wife and start a family.But do these pressure givers take the time to prepare him for marriage and  the responsibilities it comes with.We are so busy judging what people are doing and deciding how they should be doing it different,we forget the decisions we are forcing them to make will affect their lives forever.

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Is it really worth it,to look like you have the good life when in actual sense you are knee deep in debt?

Is it that important to be in a relationship that society approves of ,that we’re okay being in loveless marriages,some filled with all kinds of abuse.

What kind of blue print are we living for our children if we bring them up in a commercialized world,where everything is at face value and very few people love or at the very  least genuinely care for each other..

Nothing in this world is perfect,but that’s no excuse to settle for whatever the wind blows your way,especially if its going to define you for the rest of your life.

……………………………………….my two cents…………………………………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Striking a balance….

Striking a balance….

Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try am falling short,whether its at being a mum,a wife,a daughter,a sister or even at work.But falling short based on whose standards,mine?And if so should I then cut myself some slack or maintain them so that I’m always working towards being a better me.

If its not by my standards then should I break my back trying to live up to other peoples expectations?When we were kids I thought my mum was super woman,now that I’m older though I realize she was doing so much and dealing with her own issues as working mother and wife.

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There are these roles that are expected of both men and women either by society or just as a status quo we have come to except them.How realistic are they though?For instance,men are supposed to be the providers in their family.

In today’s world two income homes are becoming more common,how then does this affect the role of the man, if at all?I remember my dad making Sunday breakfast sometimes but that was a rare occurrence,talking from my own experience,I don’t know how I would survive if my husband didn’t help out with dinner or dishes every so often.

Does this make me any less of a wife or mother or him less of a man?I don’t think so!I love that my daughter will have numerous memories of making breakfast with her dad,doing school projects or sorting the laundry,so that mummy does not have to be up all night doing chores.

So to hell with people’s standards and expectations,I’ll go with what works for me and my family.I’ll  give myself a hard time every once in a while because I’m my own worst critic but I can handle me…

 

…… ……………………..my two cents……………………………………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When stars align….

When stars align….

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I have been a way for a while and a lot has been happening. I’m back now though and I hope to pick up my blogging momentum from where I left off.

So what have I been up to?! For starters i got a permanent contract at work, yay! Been unemployed for a year was tough and I almost gave up.

We moved house, so there was a bit of adjusting to our new environment. That said we have settled in pretty well.

The biggest news is my twin relocated back home from the US. Now when you’ve been best friends with someone since you we’re born, its kinda hard to have them living half way around the world.

It feels like everything has just fallen into place, and I have to admit God’s timing is the best. Everything may not be perfect but its as close as can be.

I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to or whats your new for you so feel free to leave a comment 🙂

Tough Questions….

Tough Questions….

Some questions seem easy enough until your asked and you find yourself at a loss for words.One of these hard to answer but profoundly important questions is who is a father?

Is it the  man who provides the XY chromosomes for you to be made?

Is it the man who raises you and is there for every milestone of your life?

Is it the man you look up to,want to be like,who provides a blueprint for the kind of man you want to be when you grow up?

Is it the man you envision your husband and father of your children will be like?

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This is  a personal issue for me and  in spite of my daddy issues,i somehow managed to find love and a father for my children who is everything I ever wanted and more.That said,even now as an adult and a mother,some of the ghosts from my past still come calling and it got me thinking…..

Just how seriously do we take the role of a father in a child’s life? and not only during their childhood but until they grow into the man or woman they are meant to be.What happens when they can’t rise above the feeling of rejection your not being in their life creates.

Worse still, how are they supposed to process your seasonal appearance in their life?Do you  expect them to adjust their feelings to your comings and goings?Do you think of the son and or daughter who grows up asking themselves questions about why you left?

I realize relationships are difficult and for some couples separation is inevitable,but what does that have to do  with raising your children?And ladies unless he poses some form of threat to you or your children,shouldn’t we let our children have a father.

I don’t know if there are answers to my questions or if this is just a useless rant.I just think that we should take the roles we get as parents seriously and realize that our actions or lack there off  will one day impact a whole generation.

Children don’t get a say in who their parents will be,its up to you the adult who brought them into this world to step up.You have to make sure you do the best job you can possibly do,regardless of whatever personal issues you’re going through.

Other wise don’t expect to get any credit when they turn into exceptional members of the society but believe me their failures and poor life choices will somehow be attributed to your absence.

 

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