Locusts and the S on my chest..

Locusts and the S on my chest..

It’s funny how something can unexpectedly make you realize or admit a truth you didn’t know was there or didn’t want to acknowledge….

So I was picking the laundry on Saturday evening and there were these two larger than life locusts on my daughter’s school shirts..

How being a mum works for me is the S on my chest appears if I need to be brave for my baby because we can’t both freak out.

Thing is I am afraid of all things.. insects, animals,some human beings..you get the drift.Anyway I sucked it up long enough to get the locusts off the clothes all the while cringing at the thought of them jumping on me..

Finally I could freak out..but instead I got mad.Mad at him for leaving and making me have to deal with locusts and flat tires, and bills, and everything that he used to do because he had promised to take care of us..

A year ago, I would have sent him an angry text saying exactly that. Instead I finished my mental rant, checked to make sure I didn’t have a locust on me and finished picking the laundry.

One day at a time.. Right?

…..my two cents…..

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This thing called love…

This thing called love…

It’s only human to want to be loved and to give love…I think there’s some science behind our being social beings or something like that.We can deny it,try to fight it or down play it but deep down we all want to be part of something that’s bigger than us,to have that special someone who makes us feel like we belong…

I had that,I actually went as far as calling it true love..he made me laugh,he protected me,he loved me,he was there for me whenever I need him…then in a split second it was all gone…

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At first its like your on auto pilot,just trying to get through one day at a time..then things settle down and you’re not so angry anymore,you’re all cried out,you go almost a week without thinking about him…you start to see clearly,you can honestly analyse what happened and reach an honest conclusion..

I remember after it happened just wishing it was a nightmare that i kept having night after night and eventually it would stop…

Wishing he would call and take it back and beg to come back…

One month,two months,three months down the line and I realize its true that time heals,I wasn’t sitting around waiting for him to call anymore.

I had started rediscovering myself,I was living,,then it hit me I can live without him…..Then he calls,and he says all those things I wished he would say …

Surprise surprise though,,I am not where I was when he ended things,I have decided I don’t want to be a part of something at any cost,I don’t want him back because now I don’t trust him,I am not sure what we had was true love because then it wouldn’t have been so easy to just walk away….

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Do i have moments of sadness,when I just look back and think we had it all…of course!I think when you spend enough time with someone they are left with a part of you forever..

Do i still want to be a part of something?to have that someone special? Of course..

But i’m okay for now,,I’m living vicariously through my favorite shows.,going for drinks with my girls,enjoying just being me.

I’m taking a beat,I find sometimes we rush into things and end up getting way more than we bargained for…

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Sometimes its okay to just be in the moment..

……………………………………………….my two cents………………………………….

Our first two digit birthday…. 

Our first two digit birthday…. 

My daughter’s birthday is usually an emotional time for me, it comes with soo many memories from when she was born to where we are now.. 

It sometimes seems surreal how fast time flies. Just the other day we we’re celebrating milestones like her first word, her first day at school. 

Our conversations were based on her numerous why and how questions. Now they’re full of well thought out opinions and arguements. 

I always write  a post on her birthday but she does not get to read my posts, so she’ll never be privy to my thoughts. 

Then I got to thinking the posts could be an awesome present for her one day.I  could compile them and give them to her when she turns eighteen.

Growing up I dnt really have an open relationship with my mum, where we could talk about stuff . 

That’s one of the things I work hard to cultivate with my daughter. That she will always be able to talk me,even when we get to the teenage drama. 

Its humbling to see your child practising what you have taught her, to know that you are doing something right especially in today’s world where our kids are exposed to so much. 

Her birthday is not only about her growth but about mine as well. There is no manual for parents, most of us are just trying our best and learning as we go. 

So here’s to my princess as she turns ten and to me as i grow into a better and hopefully wiser mother. 

Happily ever after doesn’t mean perfect! 

Happily ever after doesn’t mean perfect! 

Im generally not a very trusting person , my motto for a long time was ‘trust no one till they give you a reason to’ 

That does not work well in relationships though as you have to open yourself up to let the other person in.Vulnerability is often a high price to pay especially if you have been burnt before. 

The reward though when you experience an amazing connection and fall in love is well worth it. Its a world  full of rainbows and butterflies one can only understand it through experience. 
The true test comes when life keeps throwing surprises at you. Sometimes they’re good which just goes to increase the love, but sometimes they’re bad. 
This is when your proclamations of love really count. When you’re character is put to test, how do you react when you’re struggling to pay bills? when you have to cut down on some luxuries?

Do you still experience the rainbows and butterflies when times are hard? That’s when ‘I will love you always, no matter what’ counts. 

What do you do when ‘no matter what’ comes sooner rather than later?Do you cut your losses and run for the hills? Even fairytales had their fair share of life surprises, evil witches and all that. 

Happily ever after isnt a perfect life without  problems, its about fighting  to keep the rainbows and butterflies even through the worst of storms. 

…………my two cents ………